Recorded phone call stating my number is attached to a federal investigation involving a specific relative, call back immediately. Called back and the woman tried to get my personal information began making statements saying I was either the brother or the friend of the brother. When I asked what this call was about, she stated under federal law she was unable to provide any specific information about the case and placed me on hold.
Very brief to the point of being unclear... Only stated that I have an urgent case that needs my prompt response... Never even mentioned what or who this case is..I do not respond to such calls
So, let me put these fools on blast. The auto-message states that I had a certified letter returned to sender, and to call a 213 number or press 1. Feeling saucy, I pressed 1 and an "Investigator Cruz" chick answered the phone. She asked if I knew about a debt, and I said no because [***] her if she thinks I am going to tell her [***]. She said it might have been a mistake, then asked if I was the J-Man, and I said "you know it, sweet-tits". Then I asked her what department she was an investigator for, and she said "Financial Crimes". I then asked "from what agency?", and she said "The Department of Financial Crimes, State of Texas." As I mentioned she was calling from Cali, she hung-up.
So, I called back and got some [***]-holster who answered "certified letters". I told her that I was dealing-on some cum-dumpster named "Investigator Cruz" and was transferred. Now this skank said she was with the Department of Financial Crimes in California, and I was being charged with a felony in Texas. I called "[***]" and told her to send her complaint to my lawyers; Chzechem, Phucem, and Dumpem, and she hung-up again.
I called back again, and was on hold for 8 minutes. There is no Department of Financial Crimes for the State of California or Texas, the closest thing to it is under individual cities, not the state. I think these [***] were afraid I was going to drag my dick through their offices and make them all fall in love.