You're lucky, Lydia. My answering machine was treated to an interminable spiel from a regrettably energetic young "lady" (from the local area code, yet!) who begins by pretending to have had "trouble with her headset." She sounds so real. She'd sound even more real if my machine hadn't picked up this exact same spiel from several other numbers. Now, to business: since I've stayed at one of her company's resorts in the past, I'm about to get a dream, all-expenses paid (with rental car & all meals) vacation in two locations in Florida followed by a fully comped cruise. Only one teensy problem: I've never stayed at anyone's resort in my life.

I'm going to have to label this 'Telemarketer,' even though we all know it's no such thing. It's a criminal act, and the sooner 800 notes updates its categories, the more valuable it will be.