"Hi my name is Kevin Mason and this message is intended to contact you regarding an enforcement action executive five United States treasury and tending your serious attention. Ignoring this will be an intentional second attempt to avoid initial appearance before magistrate judge or a grand jury for a federal criminal offence. My number is 281-990-6005. I repeat it's 281-990-6005. I'd like you to cooperate with us and help us to help you. Thank you."
Kevin's brother Fred called my mother with a nearly identical message. I am still waiting for them to arrive with their Nerf® battering ram to break down her door.